Should Have Listened to My Mother Podcast

HOST JACKIE TANTILLO - The Secrets That We Keep With Guest Author And Animal-Human Health Expert Carlyn Montes De Oca

Episode Summary

On this episode of SHLTMM Podcast, my guest Carlyn Montes De Oca, Carlyn is pronounced (Car-leen), shares her stories of her mother Mary and a pivotal event in her life.

Episode Notes

Montes De Oca translated from Spanish means "mountains of Oca or bird similar to a goose" -from an area in the Basque region of Spain in the north central mountains, and that is where Carlyn's family originally emigrated from.

Carlyn is a first generation Mexican American who was raised in California. It wasn't until she took a DNA test in her 50's, just to see what her more specific lineage was, that she found out some shocking news. There was a discrepancy in one of the results that caught Carlyn's eye, but being busy, she let it go. She had noticed that all of her siblings seemed to be very quiet and distant once she started asking questions.

Had she spent more time on fully reading the results, she would have seen that there was a woman's name listed as a potential relative. "Ancestry DNA doesn't lie" is what Carlyn was told by this stranger's husband.

Carlyn's mother and father made a life changing decision based on love and compassion . They didn't hesitate or dwell on the possible difficult road ahead. They did what they felt was the right thing to do.

a sister and two brothers that live nearby plus 2 other siblings in  Mexico  that were a lot older.

As teens, Carlyn's older siblings suddenly had an adopted baby sister and were told by their parents, not to tell anyone, including their baby sister that she was adopted for fear of someone trying to take her away.  You will never tell her she's adopted because if you do, there are  people out there that may try and hurt her. " Children born out of wedlock where not looked at fondly and Carlyn's parents didn't want that stigma to follow her.

When I asked my guest how she's been handling all this upheaval, she says "it's a paradox. Life works in mysterious ways and it gives you the information that you need at exactly at the right time. The first year was really  hard and this is tough stuff."  Her parents  were both strong people and they raised their children to be tough. "It's hard to have the rug pulled out from under you and to loose your identity in the snap of the fingers."

I guess you never know what you'll find in your results  when you do a DNA test. It especially is difficult when you get conflicting results as an adult vs a baby or child. Carlyn mentioned LDA or Late Discovery Adoptees. I've attached the link if you'd like further information.

It's been a journey for Carlyn since she got this startling news of being adopted. In the subsequent years, she's done a lot of soul searching and research. She's interviewed many people and family members, found her biological mother and adopted her dog, Grace.

November  2022, Carlyn released her most recent book "Junkyard Girl: a Memoir of Ancestry, Family Secrets and Second Chances."  Mary was known for being  very over protective of her daughter and it in fact it caused a lot of contention between the two ladies. She loved her daughter and felt that because she was adopted, she needed to keep an eye on her for her safety.

The only regret that Carlyn really has is that her siblings didn't tell her the truth before her parents passed away. Carlyn's older sister thought she was protecting her adopted sibling, just as Carlyn's mother, Mary, thought being over protective would serve her well.

Carlyn's Books:

"Dog As My Doctor, Cat As My Nurse"

"Paws For The Good Stuff-A dog lover's journal"

"Paws For The Good Stuff-A cat lover's journal"

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