It took years for my guest to figure out what her relationship with her mom was really all about. Stemming from two very different yet similar personalities, the tug of war was a mix of "do I learn from my mom's mistakes and build on her experience OR do I run away and never look back," explains Payne. Over time, Sophee's learned she's capable of doing anything she wants, regardless of her mother's passed experience. Sophee Payne is a Career Coach and Counselor and because of years of self doubt, she never felt she could achieve her dream. Sophee feels she is who she today both because of and in spite of her mother and wishes she had had "the capacity to see that as imperfect as my mom was at the time, she was absolutely doing her best."
Deborah, Sophee's mother, "is in her own world and she's happy there and I come in and out of that world and that's ok," continues Payne who's never felt that she's had to live near to her parents. Payne is comfortable saying, "I care for them deeply, I just feel that closeness to them is not a priority." A Florida native, now living in Vancouver, CA, Sophee is happily ensconced in her full time career, helping other's fulfill their dreams.
After six years, getting straight A's and doing all that she was 'supposed to do,' completing her bachelors degree and getting a Master's Degree in Industrial Design, she realized that she wasn't happy. My guest loved the design work but really missed the one one one interaction with people.
After watching her mother struggle in an attempt to start her own business and fail, Sophee felt so much 'self doubt' that she never thought she'd be capable of starting her own. Again, interesting dynamics between the two women often got in the way. Payne feels that her mom likes having people around so they can do things for her that she doesn't necessarily like to do. "She demands a lot from the people closest to her," admits Sophee. "I think of her as a sun, even from a distance I can feel this warmth, she gives direction, but at the same time, the closer you get the more uncomfortably warm you get and also the more you're kind of forced to evolve around her," reflects Payne.
Sophee is comfortable saying what works for her now regarding her relationship with her mom. It's about "showing my mom compassion, compassion with boundaries."
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