Should Have Listened to My Mother Podcast

HOST JACKIE TANTILLO - Empathy Beats Blame Every Time with Guest Conflict Management Consultant Lorraine Segal

Episode Summary

Lorraine Segal, a Conflict Management Consultant, was raised in southern California where it often "felt better to stay invisible." Her memoir is entitled, "Angels and Earthworms," and will be released the latter part of 2022. She says she's who she is because of and in spite of her mother. It was her mother's voice she'd heard in her head creating doubt about leaving an abusive tenured position. She had to learn to listen to her 'Goddess Voice'.

Episode Notes

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Not a happy person as an adult, "I was a pathological procrastinator" says Segal. After years of therapy, she came to understand that she wanted to be happy.  She didn't want to stay in that place any longer and wanted to move forward.

There are many things that Lorraine's mother taught her, including things that she would have to unlearn. Fran, my guest's mother, scrutinized her daughter for everything including her looks/the way she dressed from a very young age, to who she socialized with and her writing. It's taken decades for Lorraine to undo the negative criticism.

Having grown up in an agnostic household, and after years of therapy, Lorraine believes "it's possible to establish a spiritual connection. Just like any relationship, you have to take the time to be kind, communicate, trust and be consistent."  Lorraine shares stories of her "Goddess Can." To her it's a process of letting her fears and doubts go to someone else who can help her solve them. One of her favorite sayings is "Trust the Goddess."

She's learned quite a bit over the years, including to NOT blame  her parents any longer.  "Some people get stuck on blaming their parents for everything," continues Segal. What struck her most was that she "had to change her way of thinking  and if I stayed in the blame mode, I'd never get what I wanted."

Not to lay blame, but she was given misinformation from her mother who had in turn been given misinformation from generations before. Sympathy, compassion and understanding that her mom did the best she could, has helped her free herself from her mother's grip. 

From my guest's LinkedIn page:

"Conflict at work can feel dreadfully uncomfortable! But, navigating conflict skillfully for yourself and others is a totally learnable skill." Ms. Segal teaches these skills at Sonoma State University. You can contact her through LinkedIn or visit her website for more information, or to sign up for my e-newsletter. 


*Her latest project, a memoir called: Angels and Earthworms, an unexpected journey to love, joy, and miracles, is about her  transformation from miserable self doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood.

*Visit  https://angels-earthworms.aweb.pagefor memoir tidbits and updates."

*Link to her podcast: